Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
