i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
how does that bad decision feel?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
