After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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