College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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