What a fucking waste of an outfit
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
