omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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