No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
