I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
