so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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