It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
