We won't sleep together?
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
