my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
