I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
