I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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