I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
