He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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