I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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