Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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