Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
