You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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