can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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