Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
