Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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