Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
we should paint friendship bongs
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