After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Houston, we have a squirter
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
