The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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