My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
