k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
