My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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