I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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