There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
