i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize