He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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