My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
