Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
