I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
