so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
