Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize