I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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