i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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