how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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