I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was like getting head from an anaconda
3pm strippers are depressing
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
