I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
