I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
