Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You were trust falling into bushes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
