it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
