Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
