I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
