I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
