Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
