He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
