i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I need to sanitize my soul.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
