Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
