So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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