Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
