two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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