The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
