I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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