Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
