We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
they're like a gay fantastic four
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
