Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
