watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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