Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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