I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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