Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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