We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
