Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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