Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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