You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Every concussion has its silver lining
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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